Will I Ever Be Ready?

How do I know when I’m ready?

I used to think that writing a book was only for the chosen few, the naturally talented ones. I believed that I needed a sign, a feeling that I was ready, before even attempting to write. But as time passed and my dream remained a mere aspiration, I realized that I was only holding myself back. I started to question what it really means to be 'ready' and whether it was a tangible goal or just an illusion. I didn't know that writing courses existed, so I had to learn how to write by reading. And so, I did. As much as I could. I read the Harry Potter series. Read the Da Vinci Code. Read so much I became detached from reality. And then I became overwhelmed. So much in me and yet I have given nothing. It was at that point I started questioning myself.

“When will you feel ready? After reading 5,000 books? Maybe. How about a thousand? That sounds plausible. 500? When would I feel ready? Would it be after reading 5,000 books? 1,000? 500? What would I learn from reading more books that I couldn't learn from reading just a few? To be honest, I don’t know. Throughout my life, I have always believed that only the skilled and talented are allowed to write. That there is this special qualification that they have which I don’t. In hindsight, my question has always been “How can they write this?” and not the rather important “Why can they write this?”

The truth is, I will never be ready. Not now, not in a million years. I will remain the one who waited for a sign to show he is ready.

Coming to terms with the fact that you can’t start anything while waiting to feel ready. You will never be. You start how you are. With your untrained hands. For years, I was waiting for this permission to feel ready and confident about my writing. But now I know it won’t come. The permission or the confidence. You don’t get either by sitting on your hands and waiting for the world to grant it to you. You just start. Terribly at first. Create works that make you want to rip your brain out, asking; “Is this really how stupid you are? This is the best you have to offer?” Your initial attempts will make you hate yourself because you’ll keep wondering when you will be at the same level with those you admire. And then slowly you start to notice the change. You feel a little more confident about letting people see what you created. You notice the slight difference between your 1st attempt and the 50th attempt. You feel yourself becoming what you’ve always wanted, more and more each day.

You will never feel ready by sitting on your hands every day waiting for perfection. And you will become confident only after falling flat on your face a thousand times.

Aexande🥀.