No Grand Plan

… I’ll be comfortable producing and publishing bad works. In fact, this will be the first of many you’ll be seeing here. I will create, not minding the bareness of my creations and the inelegance they carry with them. I will never doubt the potential of my creations and wonder if the world will love them. Concerned that they will not be inspired by the harmonization of my thoughts with reason.

This is Hell’s territory and I’m beholden to no god.

“At the trial of God, we will ask: Why did you allow all this? And the answer will be an echo: why did you allow all this?”- Ilya Kaminsky.

I don’t believe in God. That there is a big, an all-encompassing figure in the sky who get to decide our fate, The Author of our life. If such a figure is true then there’s no point to life, since everything is scripted out like a movie. And if you’re here, reading my post once again, then you do believe there’s a point to life or at least, you’re willing to create one for yourself. We are creators who naively play the part of the created.

“It is the will of God”. “He does as He wish”. “Only God knows tomorrow”. “Man propose, God dispose”. All these are nothing but crutches to make you feel better about your failures. We give total control to an imaginary figure and by that become just the protagonist in our story, rather than being the narrator. This world is a hell of our own making.

The thought of us being the one in total control of our life, that there is no one out there that will make things go our way, looking out for us and keeping our enemies at bay, is so frightening that we never really entertain it. For as long as I can remember, people have been using God as an anchorage to excuse their own failure. God is the reason they are living a mediocre life because He is preparing the perfect future for them. “God will make a way, where there seem to be no way”; because of these, they lay under the cool shade of the tree, waiting for Him or Her (gender really is a human construct) to show up with the bulldozer.

 The simple inevitable fact that you won’t get everything you want on the first try. Knowing that sometimes you will fail and there is no grand purpose behind it. The fact that our entire existence might be meaningless and there is no grand purpose for your sufferings. No spiritual reason for your numerous failures. That simply being through a lot, doesn’t guarantee you a form of compensation later in your life. You suffering now, doesn’t mean you get to enjoy your future.

All these are terrifying facts to accept, we need to believe that someone, somewhere is watching out for us, and when the time is right; will swoop in to save us. We refuse to take responsibility for our life, and instead believe that everything is predetermined and we are just here to play a part.

I truly have nothing against believing in that. It is a comforting thought to know someone is out there watching your back. But this belief is a double-edged sword. While it might make you feel safe and assured, you get to live your life within a limit you placed on yourself and reduce the role you play in your life to that of a passive character. To live without limits, however; you need to embrace the fact that this is Hell and in it; you are beholden to no god.